Sick of being stuck in the bad habit loop?
Get unstuck by discovering your core values - Part One
Take a minute to ask yourself these questions:
Am I proud of the decisions I’m making in life right now?
Do my habits and behaviors support me to become my best self?
What’s your answer to those questions?
If your answer is “Yes.” that’s amazing! You’ve probably put in some good work to build those positive behaviors, and hopefully now you’re getting the chance to really thrive and grow as your best self.
For many of us though, the answer is probably more along the lines of “I don’t know, maybe sometimes? …I don’t really know what my best self looks like.”
And for others, the answer might be “No, I feel totally lost and frustrated right now. I’m not making good decisions and I’m stuck in loops of bad habits.”
If you answered with uncertainty or frustration, you’re not alone. LOTS of us struggle with finding solid decision-making strategies that support us to build healthy habits and healthy lifestyles.
The good news is that we can always get better at decision-making.
It’s a practice, just like sketching or yoga or learning to play the guitar. We start with a set of basic skills and then build upon them gradually. When we mess up, it’s a chance to say “Okay, that didn’t work, how can I do better next time?” With this attitude, mistakes become opportunities. In order to embrace those opportunities, all we need to do is learn the basic skills of decision-making so we can start practicing them in daily life.
Here's where core values come in…They’re the foundation of decision-making.
The most important skill at the heart of the decision-making process is getting aligned with our core values…and staying aligned, which can be hard in this world of a million distractions. A simple way to think about core values is this:
Core values are like a compass, or a lighthouse. We trust them to guide us toward where we want to be, and WHO we want to be.
Core values are the ideas, beliefs or attributes that form the foundation of one’s personal identity and sense of self. They become our compass in life because they point us toward what we care about most and how we want to live. In other words, core values give us guidance to show up as our best self and live a life of meaning.
When we follow our core values compass, we generally make good decisions and stay true to the person we want to be. Our behaviors are aligned with what we value. When we get distracted or don’t follow our core values compass, we tend to make poor decisions and behave in a way that undermines the person we want to be. In this scenario, we’re not in alignment with what’s truly meaningful to us.
That’s where we find struggle, suffering and frustration; when we behave in a way that doesn’t honor our best self and what truly brings us meaning.
When we’re not aligned with our core values, we’re not honoring our best self, and it’s easy to lose our sense of purpose and joy. To lose our direction and our motivation to live well. You’ve probably experienced this feeling before, even if you didn’t have a name for it at the time. You may have felt sadness, disappointment, guilt, regret, hopelessness or even shame. When we’re out of alignment, those heavy feelings can hang around for a while. They can cause us to feel lost or stuck in a loop of bad behaviors that block us from growth, joy and fulfillment.
The key to getting unstuck is getting to know your best self, and the values that support your best self to rise up and shine.
So how do you get to know your best self, and how do you start using core values to make good decisions that honor that person? The first step is asking a few big questions and answering them honestly. The second step is using those answers to discover your core values.
This week, let’s dive into that first step with a short exercise that will help you get to know your Best Self!
Next week, we’ll jump into part two and discover the personal core values that support your best self to shine.
Kelsey
Kelsey Brasseur, INHC
Director of Recovery Programs
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