5 tips to ask for help with confidence
One of our five favorite stress-reduction strategies is to have a conversation about it. This just means talking to someone you trust about the stress you’re feeling and why you’re experiencing it. The person you confide in might be a friend, family member, coworker or even your counselor.
Even though we know it’s really therapeutic and important to talk about stress and get feedback and support from others, it can often be difficult or scary to ask for help in this way. These conversations about stress and struggles are not the easiest, and many of us feel like we’re burdening other people by asking for help.
The thing is, most humans have a deep desire to help and support the people they care about; which of course includes YOU. When we know a friend or loved one is stressed or struggling, we want to be there to provide compassion and empathy.
Trusting that people truly want to support us is step one in asking for help, but even if we believe in this, the ASK itself can still be hard. Asking puts us in a place of vulnerability that can feel uncomfortable if we’re not used to it. The good thing is, asking gets easier the more you do it. All you need are a few good strategies to help you build confidence for reaching out to others.
Check out these 5 simple tips for making the ask and getting support when you need it:
Choose the right person
It’s always easier to ask for support when you know the other person will understand what you’re going through. If you’re facing a particular struggle, choose a friend or someone you trust who can provide not only empathy but also a voice of experience. People love it when they can use their own personal experiences to help others. I.e, If you’re really struggling with tension at work, find a co-worker who has had the same struggle and found a way to navigate through it. Not only will they understand what you’re feeling, they might also have great strategies they could share with you to help you get through it too.
Choose the right time
Sometimes asking is all about timing. Set yourself up for success rather than feeling like your ask wasn’t heard. For example, it’s probably not great timing to ask your co-worker to talk right before their big presentation to the boss. This will put them in a situation of wanting to help but not being able to, which makes both of you feel bad. Instead, Find a time when both your schedules are open for conversation; like the lunch hour or right after work. They’ll have more bandwidth to engage and be present to support you, and you’ll feel genuinely heard and supported.
Make the ask special or fun
Conversation is always better when both people feel special and comfortable. If you need support from a friend, make the ask special or fun by including an activity or place you both love. For example, you might ask your best girl-friend for help by saying “Hey, I’d love your help with this stressful situation, can I buy you a coffee tomorrow morning and talk through it?” Or maybe you know your co-worker goes for a run every day after work. So, you might ask “Hey, I could really use some support right now and I’d love your perspective, mind if I join you running tomorrow to talk about it?” Most people will be flattered by these requests, and if they’re not able to support right away, will almost always offer another way to make space for the conversation you need.
Appreciate other people as amazing resources
Asking for help is not only empowering, it is also efficient, smart and lays the foundation for stronger relationships. Here’s an example: Whenever I go to the hardware store with my dad, I’m always impressed that he seeks out the department staff right away and asks specific questions about where to find something, or what tool he should use for his current project. He says “Why wouldn’t I ask? They know where everything is and it saves me tons of time wandering around getting lost in this big store!” While I worry too much about bothering the staff, and frequently wander around for 30 minutes looking for an obscure tool, he truly appreciates the staff as great sources of information who are happy to help him accomplish his goals. Some of these folks even know him by name and ask for updates on how his new project is going. He’s not only found the help he needs, he’s also built meaningful relationships through his willingness to ask for help.
Get EXCITED about getting support
Why? Because asking for help is step one toward feeling WAY better! You’ve been struggling or stressed out, which doesn’t feel good, but once you ask for help, you’ve taken the initiative to DO something to improve your situation. This positive action is something to get excited about. It builds your self worth and sense of personal value because it shows that you’re invested in your happiness and your health. Other people will recognize your investment too, and will respect your desire to work through tough stuff. So, every time you ask for help, celebrate your investment! Let yourself get excited about getting the support you need to move forward.
If you want to learn more about these kinds of strategies, consider signing up for one of our peer coaching circles! You can join the waitlist below.
All my best,
Kelsey
Kelsey Brasseur, INHC
Recovery Resources Program Director
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