Tools for Connection
Isolation hurts, connection heals.
Human beings are social creatures, and at our core, we thrive in communities of positive, uplifting connection. We need these positive networks of connection to build self worth and create a solid foundation for joy and wellbeing.
Connection is even more critical for recovery.
Trying to take on the recovery process alone is not only scary, it’s also overwhelming. Withdrawal is a big step, and then beyond withdrawal is a whole new landscape we have to learn to navigate. It’s easy to get overwhelmed as we try to build a sustainable recovery lifestyle. Especially facing the daily ups and downs; like managing our triggers and figuring out how to hang with friends who still drink or use.
Connection is what gets us through the moments of fear, uncertainty and overwhelm we encounter on the recovery journey. When we connect with others, we get the opportunity to lean into the advice, shared experience, feedback and support we need to stay on track with our commitment. Sometimes all we need to get through the tough stuff is someone there to remind us that we’re strong and resilient. Or to find inspiration in the stories of our peers.
Whether you’re a supporter or in need of support, you can get engaged to build connection.
Without connection, we can easily become isolated and feel like no one sees us or understands what we’re going through. In that space of isolation, it’s really hard to overcome fear, uncertainty, and overwhelm. If you’ve ever felt isolated and alone, you probably remember how tough it was to stay positive.
How do we build connection?
A few key tools can help us build positive connections with others. Two of the most important tools we use for connection-building are empathy and compassion. Another really important one is vulnerability. Together, these tools not only help us meet others where they’re at, but also help us show up as our authentic self; ready to ask for the support we need.
Learning about Empathy, Compassion and Vulnerability
If you’re not familiar with Brené Brown, check out her amazing work HERE. Brené is an internationally renowned researcher and storyteller who’s spent decades studying how we relate to and connect with one another.
In her most recent book, Atlas of the Heart, Brené looks at how we define our emotional experiences and share those experiences with the people around us. She includes wonderful definitions of Empathy and Compassion. Let’s take a look:
Empathy
Brené defines empathy as “the most powerful tool of compassion…an emotional skill set that allows us to understand what someone is experiencing and to reflect back that understanding.” She also says empathy is “understanding what someone else is feeling, not feeling it for them.” The important thing to remember about empathy is that we use our own lived experience to envision what someone else is going through, and then show them that we understand. To receive empathy is to be seen, heard and valued by another person.
Compassion
In Atlas of the Heart, compassion is defined as “the daily practice of recognizing and accepting our shared humanity so that we treat ourselves and others with loving-kindness, and we take action in the face of suffering.” The important thing about compassion is that it’s not about fixing others or making everything better. The action part of compassion is about navigating through fear and uncertainty with others, as their equal.
Why Vulnerability?
Vulnerability is an openness that allows us to be seen, valued and understood by others. It can definitely be scary, but when we open ourselves up to other people, we open the door to receive compassion and empathy. Vulnerability gives us the chance to form genuine, supportive connections with others, since they get to see where we’re at and what we really need.
The connection equation
At the end of Altas of the Heart, Brené shares this awesome equation for cultivating meaningful connection, which includes empathy, compassion, and vulnerability:
Developing grounded confidence (vulnerability)
+
Practicing the courage to walk alongside (empathy and compassion)
+
Practicing story stewardship (empathy and compassion)
What you might notice about this equation are the words “developing” and “practicing.” It’s a reminder that the art of connection is a lifelong practice that we can always build and get better at. Even if you feel disconnected now, that doesn’t always have to be your story. With a little practice and a willingness to stay real with others, you can start to build your own unique brand of connection, one step at a time.
Tying it all together
Each of us can help build positive networks of connection that support the recovery journey. These networks might be personal relationships or community-wide projects. We can find diverse benefits from all types of connection. So whether you’re currently in recovery, want to offer support as a peer or serve others as a helping professional, there are many opportunities to engage in connection-building!
Here are a few cool opportunities we love sharing:
Mindfulness in RecoveryⓇ support groups
Want to dive deeper into Atlas of the Heart or other work by Brené Brown?
Do you know someone who needs to get connected to a community of positive support?
Kelsey
Kelsey Brasseur, INHC
Director of Recovery Programs
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