Be Yourself: Step Three Toward Authenticity.
This week, put your Authentic Self into action.
Over the past month, we’ve been exploring Stephen Joseph’s Authenticity formula: Know Yourself + Own Yourself + Be Yourself. This week, we’re diving into the third and final part of that formula with three strategies to Be Yourself.
Strategy One: Put your positive attributes to work
Earlier in this series, we talked about how powerful it is to acknowledge and take ownership of our personal strengths, skills and natural talents. Engaging these attributes in a purposeful, healthy way can really help your best self shine and boost your sense of fulfillment. On the flip side, you might find that ignoring or underutilizing these attributes limits your ability to engage your best self and often leads to feelings of being lost or unfulfilled.
So, if you want to start cultivating authenticity, activating your positive attributes is a great place to start!
What does it look like to activate positive attributes? This can be different for each person. Here are a few ideas to get you thinking:
If your personal strength is compassion → Take your friend out for coffee when they’re having a rough week, volunteer with a local non-profit, get trained as a peer support specialist to help out other people in recovery
If your natural talent is art → teach a community art class, host a weekly meet-up with fellow artists, dedicate space in your house to have an “art desk” and keep your supplies there to inspire you
If your skill is vegan cooking → visit the local farmer’s market to pick up inspiring seasonal produce and fresh herbs, volunteer to cook a healthy meal for the local community center, start a food blog to share your recipe ideas
Reflection Exercise:
Take 5 minutes to answer the following questions in your journal, or in a note on your phone:
What are three positive attributes I can activate this week that will help me cultivate authenticity and connect with my best self?
What actions can I take to activate each of these three attributes this week?
Strategy Two: Stay open to feedback, learning and growth
The willingness to stay open and continue learning about ourselves is a key part of living authentically. When we’re open to discovery, exploration and change, we can continually evolve to find greater fulfillment of self. When we’re closed off to learning and change, it becomes very difficult to evolve and move past the things that block us from living as our best self.
Sometimes this means reframing difficult feedback into a positive opportunity for growth.
Ooff, this can be hard! Much of the time, our natural reaction to feedback or criticism is to put up our defenses and try to prove the other person wrong. But that attitude closes the door to learning about ourselves and becoming more authentic. To keep the door open, we need to drop our defenses and really hear the feedback we’re being given.
The next time you find yourself receiving some tough feedback or criticism, try asking yourself a few simple questions to see if you can learn something positive from it:
Examine the feedback honestly and without ego. Is there any truth to it?
If not, release the criticism and move on.
If yes, ask more questions, like:
“What can I do differently the next time I’m in this situation?”
“How can I absorb this feedback and use it to develop better skills, knowledge, attitudes, etc…?”
You can always ask yourself these questions, but in some situations, you might also want to ask the person who offered feedback or criticism these questions. This is especially helpful when the other person is someone you trust, like a friend or supervisor. That person might have great suggestions or ideas for how you can learn and grow through the experience.
Strategy Three: Take notice of “should” statements
Feeling like we “should” do something can be a rough emotional experience when we actually don’t want to do it, especially if that thing goes against our moral code, core values or personal goals. In some cases, “should” statements do keep us accountable to positive actions, but they can just as easily lead to inauthentic actions or unhealthy patterns of behavior.
In order to Be Yourself every day, it’s important to build an awareness of “should” statements and their impact on your sense of authenticity.
For example, thoughts like “I should stop smoking” or “I should apologize to my husband for yelling” are probably helpful “should” statements that can keep us accountable to our personal values and goals (values like prioritizing physical health or having a healthy relationship). But thoughts like “I should work overtime tonight because everyone else on the team is doing it” might not support your personal values and goals (values like having a healthy work/life balance or spending time with your kids.)
To live more authentically, tune in to those moments when you hear yourself thinking or speaking “should” statements, and then take the time to examine them. Is the statement keeping you accountable to something that supports your authentic self? Or, is it pulling you away from your authentic self?
Here are a few questions you might consider to help distinguish between positive “should” statements and negative “should” statements:
Is this something that is healthy and aligns with my values and goals? (positive)
Is this something that I’m dreading because it requires hard work and behavior change to achieve personal growth? (positive)
Is this something that doesn’t feel healthy and doesn’t align with my values and goals, but other people are pressuring me to do it? (negative)
Is this something that I feel expected to do, or obligated to do, but goes against my personal moral code or sense of integrity? (negative)
Is this something that pushes me out of my comfort zone, but also aligns with my values and goals? (positive)
Is this something that pushes me out of my comfort zone in a way that makes me feel icky, in danger or hurtful to others? (negative)
“Should” statements can be very complex and difficult to make sense of. The main thing to be mindful of is this:
Does what you feel you “should” be doing support your best self, your values and your goals?
If yes, you have an opportunity to be accountable to things that will build you up. If not, you have an opportunity to exercise discernment, to say no to things that will tear you down and to stand up for what you believe in.
In time, you might focus on replacing the word “should” with clearer descriptions of what you’re actually feeling or experiencing.
For example, “I’m feeling pressured to work overtime tonight because everyone else on the team is doing it.” or “I have an opportunity to apologize to my husband so we can move forward and move past this argument” This clear, descriptive language can effectively replace “should” and help you prioritize authenticity.
Values Compass Exercise:
A values compass is a simple reflection tool you can use to stay aligned with your core values and beliefs as you’re examining “should” statements and making decisions in daily life.
How to create your compass:
Use the template below or draw your own 8-point compass on a piece of paper you can keep with you in a wallet or journal.
First, write one of your 4 core values at the end of each cardinal direction point on your compass.
Then, write one of your top 4 supporting values or beliefs at the end of each minor point of your compass.
You should now have a compass that “guides” you toward eight of your most important values and beliefs. This compass will help you practice authentic decision-making any time you’re faced with a tough choice or “should” statement!
(If you don’t yet know your Core Values, check out this exercise to discover what they are!)
How to use it:
The next time you’re struggling to make a decision, or notice yourself saying “should, “ bust out your compass and ask questions like:
“What action aligns with my values and feels most authentic for me in this situation?”
“Does what I think I should be doing move me towards any of these values and beliefs?”
This exercise gives you an opportunity to practice discernment and to think critically about what choices, actions and behaviors support your best self.
We hope this post has been helpful! Stay tuned for the rest of our Authenticity series as we continue exploring this topic together over the next two months. Until next time!
Want to dive deeper? Or, just need to talk?
Do you need support right now? Want to explore this topic more deeply with a coach or peer group? We’re here for you! Recovery Resources offers several great ways for clients, alumni and community members to get plugged in for one-on-one support and meaningful discussion.
Our Peer Support Program gives you the opportunity to get support from those with personal lived experience navigating challenges, questions or struggles that are similar to your own. This program offers both individual talk sessions and peer groups. A trained Peer Support Specialist will be your advocate and guide as you pursue your goals.
Our Holistic Coaching Program gives you the opportunity to get support from a certified Holistic Health Coach with more than two years of experience working specifically with people in recovery. This program offers both individual coaching sessions and coaching circle groups. Your coach will be your facilitator and accountability partner as you identify your strengths and values so you can effectively pursue your goals. Reach out to Kelsey Brasseur to get started: kelsey@recoveryresourcescolorado.org
