9 Strategies for Communicating with Someone Struggling with Addiction
Navigating conversations with a friend or loved one who is struggling with addiction can be incredibly challenging. You want to be kind and supportive without condoning or enabling their unhealthy behaviors. While talking about their addiction and how you see it affecting them and others can be daunting, with the right tools it can lead to positive outcomes both for the person who is struggling and for you as you set healthy boundaries.
Here are 9 strategies for having successful conversations that allow you to show your concern and support in an effective and healthy way:
Make time for a private, one-on-one conversation.
Find a time when your friend or loved one is available to talk in private and, ideally, sober. Talking one-on-one will help the other person feel more comfortable and reduce the likelihood that they will be defensive. They are most likely to be receptive to your concerns if they don’t feel attacked, publicly embarrassed or ganged up on by a group, even if it consists of well-meaning individuals.
Show your concern with kindness and compassion.
Tell your friend or loved one that you’re concerned about them because you care about them and want the best for them. You should clearly explain the behaviors you’ve seen that are causing you concern without belittling, judging or rejecting them. They should feel like you’re on their side during the conversation, while also understanding that you see their actions as harmful to themself and, if applicable, to others.
Related: 5 Proven Ways to Build Healthier Relationships
Choose your words carefully to avoid stigmatizing.
Be mindful of your tone and the language you choose. A calm, caring tone and open body language goes a long way to show the person that you’re there to support them on their recovery journey, not shut them out. Avoid using terms and phrases like getting ‘clean’ to mean going through detox or maintaining sobriety, as this implies that the person using is ‘dirty’.
Refrain from referring to the person as an addict or substance abuser, as the person is much more than their addiction. Instead, it’s appropriate to say things like ‘I’m sorry you’re struggling with addiction, how can I support you?”
Focus on how their addiction is hurting them.
People are more open to listening about your concerns for how they are harming themselves than they are to hearing that they’re frustrating you with their actions. While it is appropriate to express if you feel disrespected by their actions, do so with an ‘I’ statement that expresses how their actions made you feel without telling them this makes them a bad person.
Listen and empathize.
Your job is not to lecture the person about their substance misuse; instead, this is an opportunity to open up a two-way conversation. If the person feels comfortable confiding in you, give them your full attention without judgement. They may open up about underlying reasons why they are using, including struggles with depression or coping with previous or ongoing trauma or violence. Acknowledge and validate their feelings and experiences and use the information to offer to help them to seek specific support, for example offering to help them find a local therapist or counselor to begin working through their past or current trauma.
Related: Community Resource Directory
Believe them.
If they open up to you about their struggles with addiction, don’t downplay their substance misuse or tell them that having a beer once in a while isn’t that bad — this only enables their behavior.
Don’t tell them what to do.
Change will only happen when the person struggling decides they are ready. Everyone’s recovery journey looks a little different, and it’s not your job to dictate what the person should do next. It is appropriate to let them know that you’re there to support them in their recovery and want them to feel their best. It’s also appropriate to offer to help them find the right resources for them without telling them what their next steps are.
Related: Your Best Path to Recovery Quiz
Be consistent.
Even if you’ve enabled a person’s behavior in the past, this is the time to set hard boundaries. Don’t offer to split a bottle of wine with someone struggling or tell them about the party you drank at last night.
Every conversation cannot be about their struggle with addiction.
It’s okay to check in on your friend or loved one, but don’t make them feel like you’re constantly monitoring their actions. Remember that they are also someone who has interests outside of their struggle with addiction. Keep inviting them for sober plans and talk about other subjects they enjoy the majority of the time.
Looking for more support?
Our family engagement program provides families with education, support and tools for working with a loved one who is struggling with substance use through:
Individual and group counseling to understand how to better support your loved one and work together as a family unit to break the cycle of addition
Education on the disease of addiction and the do’s and don’ts of supporting your loved one
Awareness of the your loved one’s needs to achieve and maintain sobriety
Tools for repairing relationships and building a foundation for a healthier future as a family
Individual support throughout the process
Written by Liz Haas, Recovery Resources Digital Marketing & Outreach Specialist
